When we go to the store people look. They look because our children are not being raised in a seen and not heard household. I am loud. I laugh loud, i talk loud, I yell, I talk to myself loud. Loud. So its only understandable to think that our kids are also loud. Loud and melt down are two different things.
When Parker doesn’t get his way, is upset, cant communicate what his needs are, he screams at the top of his lungs and bangs his head. He bangs it on anything there is that could draw attention, hurt himself even, to yell louder and eventually get the attention he was trying to draw.
When Florey doesn’t get her way she screams in a tone that could, I am pretty sure be capable of breaking glass. Or shattering an ear drum. If you have the ability to turn down your hearing aid in her case I envy you. Some days I envy my husbands deaf ear.
So when we are out in public doing almost anything I can guarantee you’ll look. So here’s the thing. Either join us and embrace the chaos or move on by.
Yes I get that hearing a screaming child in a building is terrible. Do you think that parents enjoy listening to their kids scream and cry and carry on, especially in judgy public?! No we do not. It’s actually worse for us because we know we are being watched. Do you think I will change the way I discipline my child in public because you are watching? No I wont because if I am going to treat it one way at home and one way in the store how do they learn what is right and wrong. When you start changing the way you handle a meltdown you are telling them that at home this might be ok but in public you have to act differently because people are watching. And if I never take them out in public, how will they ever learn how to behave in public?
A month or two ago just Parker and I were in Walmart in Olds. I carry treats in my purse to keep them busy or Ill bee line it for whatever snack I will already be buying and they get one while we shop. Parker had finished his, he had done playing with whatever it was I had given him to play with and was mad at me for not giving him something he had reached for. He was screaming at me in his high pitched scream, he was not crying, he was not hurt, he was not hungry he was not tired. He was angry because I wouldn’t give him what he wanted.
A women walked past with her kid and said to me ohhhh poor boy. I responded “no not poor boy, he only wants something I wont give him”, I had assumed that she would say something else but what she said made me smile. She said “oh poor momma then!” YES! POOR ME! I am the one being judge for my parenting because my one year old who can not speak or tell me his needs is doing the only thing he knows how to get my attention. He is being loud!!!
I honestly wish people could understand that more, but that’s something that will never change. What’s worse is the shade that usually gets thrown my way because of the loudness or yelling, is from other moms. Sometimes I let them know how I wish I could be as perfect as them, other times I rush and hurry to get my things and leave. Why should I though??
We expect children to behave better than adults. I have seen more than one adult losing their mind over something trivial in a store. If my kid is having an off day, or we are singing and being our loud selves THEN MOVE ON. You don’t actually have to be in the same area of a large box store as us, and you don’t have to TRY and make me feel like a bad parent because your decibel level has been broken by a couple of happy kids.
So lets start spreading some more love around instead of constantly passive aggressively judging as we walk past a mom just trying to make it through the day without actually losing her mind. Because some days I don’t know how I am going to make it past breakfast. And some days when your saying your snide comment just loud enough to hear, the mom who hears it might call you on it, are you going to back it up or you going to help?
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