I am teaching myself how to be free

Control. Letting go. Calming down. Expectations.

Four incredibly difficult things for me. Not in my life, my life has been full of the unknown and chaos since I left my parents home. I never knew where the next day was taking me and maybe that’s why when it comes to the kids I struggle to let go more. Not wanting them to go through the unknown.

Sometimes I catch myself saying no to things that shouldn’t matter, or letting them do things that shouldn’t be a problem.

Instagram and Facebook portrays not just the perfect kids but the perfect parents. Most days I do feel like we are killing it. Having kids growing up in the country gives them so many more freedoms than if we were still in the city.

Control some days feels all consuming, heavy, to intense to understand where the underlying need to dictate what needs to be done and how it needs to be done. Should it matter if the paints get mixed together in the egg carton?

No it definitely should not! It shouldn’t ever matter. Have I become just as obsessed with the perfect boomerang insta story as some of these accounts I follow? I’d really like to think that I haven’t and that it’s actually a bigger issue as crazy as that sounds. But in all honesty I do not know.

We spend I’d say 75% of each day outside. My husband has built them a great gigantic sandbox/treehouse, we now have a pool up (more cause for stress) we have three acres surrounded by farm land and have one neighbor with children who have become great companions. Some days I battle with keeping them clean and other days I sit and watch as they lay down in the tire track mud puddles in our driveway. Everyday I struggle to keep my calm, to remember that they don’t know what they are actually doing. That another load of laundry in the scheme of things does not matter.

So when you see my pictures of smiling children covered in dirt/mud/grease they are definitely happy and full of joy. But know I am behind the lens losing my mind a little trying my hardest to raise caring, understanding and accepting kids, without losing my s##t at the same time.

I see you momma yelling in the grocery store. I feel ya.

Much love

Xoxo

Simone