Like I said before Ive been writing since I can remember. It has always brought me clarity, like a perfectly time exhale. There’s something in the words on paper (now my iPad) that bring a calm over me. I stopped for along time. There was a point in my life that I lived with some truly terrible roommates, it ended terribly and they actually dumped all my things. Like threw them all out in the trash. So all my writing books were gone. Everything, all my thoughts and feelings, everything I had seen and done, all the pain and heart ache and the love and joy. Everything I felt that I needed to continue was gone. It took a long time to get over that loss, it was huge. If you are a writer or an artist of any sort you could understand the crack it left in me.
That was over ten years ago. I have written sentences that spoke to me out of the blue, and have tried a number of times to put pen to paper and start writing about the adventures I have taken, but I have not been able to finish them. The thought of writing about the kids and our lives here in the county though, I literally have about 15 half finished pieces about various things. Now I don’t know why I decided to let it out to the world to read, maybe because I have many of these conversations with so many different moms from 21-73. We’ve all experienced or felt the exact same feelings as I have over the past 3.5 years.
I started really following more moms on instagram the past half year. I Think I have some how been trying to find my people through instagram because i haven’t been able to find them here in this small town. Not for lack of trying that’s for sure. Connecting through instagram has actually made a few mom “friends” which I cant say I ever saw happening. Mom dating is actually more stressful and hard than dating in my 20s ever was. You don’t have to think just about what to wear and where to go now, you have to think about your kids, and try to keep them clean in the car to the arrange play area. Because there is absolutely no way that you could ever have a first mom date anywhere you have to sit down and eat.
Then its, will your kids get along, are there allergies if you bring snacks, what are the ages, is it worth putting in the effort for a 3 year age difference? Are the kids in public worthy moods today? Are you ready to small talk and hope your kids don’t hurt themselves or anyone else at the park? The list is seriously an arms length, and well I’m 6ft so I have long arms.
Trying to find your tribe is the hardest thing i have done in my life. Because you are no longer looking for friends that you would like to hang out with you are looking for families. Whatever dynamic that family is, because its not about you anymore. You are a small piece of the puzzle now. Mom dating has become something I have given up on. I have found peace with my mommas that don’t live close by. The kids have the normal amount of play with the neighbours and park time and splash park time. But i have honestly given up. You can really only take so much rejection before you just say to hell with it. After multiply dates and putting myself completely out there I have yet to get a second date. It would be great to just think its my wild children……just kidding…kinda. But the reality is I know that my sense of humour, appearance and small talk all play a big role in the lack of a second date. I have had the brush off before. It’s not any different when it comes to mom dating. So some days I ache wanting that connection, to sit and have a coffee at my home or someone else’s and watch our kids. To have our husbands or partners connect over a common interest. To have our families have adventures together. But this isn’t a perfect world and it doesn’t seem like you can have all those pieces at the same time.
This particular topic of mom dating I have about 4 different drafts. Because every one of them seems to turn into a woe as me. But I’m not looking at it like that, I am sharing my experience which I know I am not the only one. So what do we do? As a mom how do you make those connections? As an adult you make your friends in the work you do. So as an adult stay at home mom where do you go? When you’ve exhausted your town of 3000 people? When you have literally put out an add on the moms facebook group. Where do you go? I guess the only thing you can do is keep trying, one day maybe you’ll make that connection, maybe even with someone you’ve already met.
Just know that you’re not alone and that there are mommas there looking for their tribe, or to expand their tribe too. My house is always open for play dates and there’s always coffee in the pot. Ill even make a fresh one.
Much love
Xoxo
Simone
thekidsarealwaysdirty.music.blog 